Saturday, September 30, 2006

Honesty

I stole this idea from One Wink and thought it was an interesting exercise. The idea is that you write down ten things that are honest statements addressed to ten separate people. One for each person. Things you can't or haven't told them face to face. You don't say who they are for, you just list them. They don't have to be earth shattering. There they are, as they are.

1. I am so sorry I hurt you. It was the last thing I ever wanted to do and I never really got a chance to explain that to you where you would actually listen and understand. The lack of closure has always been difficult for me.

2. I wish I could have gotten to know the real you better. I felt like you didn't love me enough to try. You loved yourself more than anyone and that is sad for all of us.

3. I wish I could find you and we could get to know each other again as adults. I wonder if we would have anything in common. I hope you are happy and healthy in your life.

4. I feel a lot of guilt that we are not in touch anymore. We always said we would be friends and it is hard for me to feel like we aren't anymore. I am sure I am expecting too much but it is just something about my personality that I don't have a lot of control over.

5. You really hurt my feelings when you replaced me. I know it wasn't intentional but it still hurt.

6. Ending your life was the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I still worry if I made the right decision for you. I hope you always knew that you were loved and considered as a member of my family.

7. You were one of the first people to make me feel bad about myself and I don't know if I have ever gotten past it. You were also one of the first people that convinced me to look outside the small world I inhabited and realize that there was more to life.

8. I am glad that I didn't stay with you longer than I did. You had hangups that you passed onto me and were abusive at times. I wonder if I would have continued down a really bad road if I had continued to see you.

9. Please don't pretend to know me better than you do. You are not in a position to judge me or those I love. Things are not always as they seem.

10. I have always been thankful to have you in my life. You were there for me at times when no one else was and being able to talk to you helped me to keep my sanity. I know I don't express my appreciation enough. I hope you know how much you mean to me.

3 comments:

Scaramouche Jones said...

This could be a very dangerous game to play

One Wink at a Time said...

How did this make you feel? I found it rather therapeutic and a little "cleansing". I wish I had, though, the "kahunas" (no idea how to spell that...) to say some of those things to the people who I have contact with. Some, of course are just impossible but the ones which aren't... I wonder what the outcome would be. Sometimes it's better, I know, not to open a can of worms...

Mishka said...

I liked doing it but it seemed that most of the people I addressed were not ones I was worried about reading my blog...I am too chicken to reveal other stuff that I am sure would have bothered some.